Rules For Not Getting Smote
by Greeting'sAndSaltations
Summary: Title says it all! Your guide for not getting Smote or thrown into a wormhole... These handy set of rules will help you survive travelling with the Winchester Brothers.
1. Chapter 1

Rules for not getting smite/d?

Rules for traveling with the Winchester brothers. Madness and insanity, add a little bit of crazy and you'll be guaranteed a fun but short life.

Rule 1

Interrogation or humiliation is banned.

(It's basically just Truth or Dare. But I decided to name it that)

(I managed to get Sam, Dean and Cas to play)

'Sam, I dare you to strip'

(Never seen someone's face go so red)

He protested at first but when Dean started taunting and teasing him, he stood up and started... Stripping.'

'Oh my eyes! Little warning next time, dude!'

'Dean, I dare you to give Bobby a lap dance'

(The game was stopped there)

(Not sure if Dean actually did it but I did hear odd noises that sounded like someone been strangled coming from Bobby's room)

Rule 2

No more quoting Lord of the Rings

'Anyway, you need people of intelligence on **this** sort of mission... Quest... Thing... Well, that rules you out Dean.'

(Me to Dean on one of our hunts)

(Cue Bitchface)

'My precious!'

(I said this to Sam when he tried to take away my junk food)

(Rabbit boy)

Rule 3

The movie 'Cars' is banned

(Dean didn't appreciate it when I painted eyes and a mouth on his car)

(Sam thought it was hilarious)

(Cas didn't get it)

Rule 4

Stop talking about chicken wings

(Dean was going on and on about how he was craving fried wings)

(He meant chicken wings)

(Cas didn't know that though, so he freaked out)

(I laughed a lot)

Rule 5

Useless commentary is banned

(I got out a notebook and started writing down everything everybody was doing)

(Dean drank his beer)

(Sam turns a page in his book)

(Dean grabs another bear)

(That's probably a bad idea, he's already tipsy)

(Dean glares at me)

(Sam rolls his eyes)

(Dean angrily gets up)

(Dean falls over)

(I told you that beer was a bad idea)

Rule 6

1000 ways to die is banned

(One of them was death by a carrot)

(Cas freaked out the next time he saw Sam eating a carrot)

(All the carrots have disappeared now)

(Not that I'm complaining)

Rule 7

Pirates of the caribbean is banned

'Nobody move, I've dropped my brain'

(Cas panicked when Dean said this)

(He really thought Deans brain had fallen out)

'I've got a jar of dirt and guess what's inside!'

(I sang this really loudly in public)

(Got some weird looks)

(Sam and Dean denied they knew me)

Rule 7

Leaf blowers are banned

(I found a leaf blower in Bobby's house)

(I though it was pretty cool since I've never actually used a leaf blower before)

(And it was even cooler when I reversed it so instead of blowing it sucked)

(So I ran around sucking up everything in sight)

(Including pages of books and Sam's Salad)

(Dean thought it was funny until I sucked off all the frosting off his beloved pie)

Rule 8

Elevators are banned.

(We were working on a case and the guy who had witnessed the murder lived on the top floor of the building)

(There was a lot of people in the elevator so I decided to entertain myself)

(By making an annoying beep noise whenever someone pushed a button)

(I freaked people out when I looked in my hand bag and said:

'You got enough air in there?')

(One word: FLATULENCE)

(Freaked people even more out when I groaned, held my stomach and said :

'Oh damn my mOrion sickness.')

( Freaked them even more out when I kept muttering 'gotta go' 'gotta go' and then 'oops.')

(I got some harsh stares when I said 'I wonder what these do?' Then I proceeded to press all the buttons)

Rule 9

No more pretending to be possessed.

(I freaked Cas and Dean out when I said in a creepy demonic voice 'I must find another host body')

(I got lots of holy water thrown at my face)

(Plus an interrogation from Cas)

(Still worth it though)

Rule 10

Don't purposely try and make Sam angry

(I wanted to see what it took to make the moose furious)

(First I took away his rabbit food and replaced it with burgers)

(He just didn't eat it)

(Then I started poking him)

(When that didn't bother him)

(I started pulling his hair and insulting it)

(At first he just glared at me)

(But then I pulled out the razor)

(I almost peed myself when I had a gigantic 6'4 man coming at me)

And that's the first 10! Review and tell me if I should keep going or not! I'm taking requests as well:)


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Thanks to those that reviewed:)

Mera Arem Rema

Ruateddybear2000

you guys are awesome:D

Rule 11

No more taking things literally.

(We were posing as FBI Agents again)

(When we entered the police officers office he told us to take a seat)

(Sam and Dean sat down, but I picked up my chair and walked out)

(Dean thought it was funny)

(Sam just sighed)

(It was either that or ask 'take it where?')

(But hey, now we have chair)

Rule 12

No more racing on wheelie chairs

(You know those office chairs with wheels?)

(Dean and I found a couple on the side of the street)

(That happened to be on a hill)

(So we grabbed our chairs and placed them at the top of the very steep hill)

'Ready, set, be a hoe!'

'Just kidding, ready, set, GO!'

(It was really fun!)

(But we forgot two things)

(One: chairs don't have brakes)

(And two: there was a bunch of thorn bushes at the bottom of this hill)

(Ouch)

Rule 13

Pranking is banned

(I put mayonnaise in a bowl and froze it, then I gave it to Dean to eat)

(He thought it was ice cream)

(Even though I almost got murdered, the look on his face when he put the 'ice cream' in his mouth was worth it)

Rule 14

Quoting 21 Jump street is banned

'Why do you have a box of doves?'

(Sam to me on a case)

'Cause doves make you look like a bad ass, that's why'

'Can I go take a dump?' (Dean)

'Do you know what happens to handsome guys like me in jail? It rhymes with 'grape!' (Laughed my ass off when Dean said this to Sam)

'I didn't punch him because he's gay... I punched him then he happened to be gay afterwards!' (Dean when he got into a fight with a gay man and someone accused him of been homophobic)

Rule 15

Movie Cinemas are banned

(Dean thought it would be a good idea to take a break and do something fun for a change, so we decided to go see a movie)

(The movie that we went to see turned out to be really bad)

(Dean was already entertaining himself with the woman next to him)

(So I started throwing popcorn and peanuts in this woman's hair)

(But her hair was so big and ridiculous that she didn't even feel it)

(By the end of the movie her hair was full of different assortments of nuts and popcorn)

(Yeah, we're not allowed in there again)

Rule 16

No more trying things the internet says it's impossible to do

(Apparently it's impossible to laugh without smiling or grinning)

(So I had to try it)

(Maybe I should of thought it through, because when Dean walked in and saw me half choking, half cackling without smiling he must of thought I was been possessed or something)

(I ended up swallowing a bucket full of holy water)

Rule 17

No more answering 'Why' for every question someone asks you

'Kat, can you pass me those silver bullets?'

'Why?'

'So I can kill the shape shifter.'

'Why?'

'Because it's killing people.'

'Why?'

'Because it's an evil son of a bitch.'

'Why'

'I dunno! Daddy issues maybe.'

'Like Sam daddy issues or Dean daddy issues?'

'...'

Rule 18

'Thats what she said' is banned.

(Sam hates it when I say that)

'It won't open!' (Dean)

'Then push harder!' (Sam)

'Ha, that's what she said!' (Me)

*bitch face*

'Thats what your mum said.' (Dean)

Rule 19

Replying to people with 'that's what you think' is banned

'This burger is delicious!' (Dean)

'Thats what you think.'

(Dean looked at his burger, than at my smirking face, before spitting out the rest of the burger in his mouth)

(He then complained to Sam that I sabotaged his beloved burger)

(I think he's still grumpy about the frozen mayo)

Rule 20

Sabotaging food is banned.

(I was over joyed when I saw a packet of Oreos on the table)

(So I ate them all)

(Sam came in while I was devouring them)

(He looked at the Oreos then me with a disgusted look on his face)

(He then told me that Dean had licked all the cream off the Oreos and then put them back in the packet)

(Yeah, I'm suspicious of any food that I eat now)

What do you think? Please review, I'm taking requests, so if you have any ideas please pm or review. Thanks:) should I add more rules for the next chapter or nah?


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